Monday, September 26, 2011

Craigslist Ad for an Airbrushed Masterpiece

Above are the pics and below is the copy for an ad I did with a friend to sell his Saturn that he had had a Pegasus airbrushed onto the hood. Guess the ad-background worked, he sold the car in less than one day and had dozens of calls:

The first thing you should know about this Saturn is that it features a very rare, one-of-a-kind, custom hood painting. This painting makes the lame bird on the hood of Pontiac Firebirds look like something you would put on the wall of your daughters bedroom to help her fall asleep faster. This hood paint was done by a Greek Muse. Wanting to show a fast and powerful animal, the artist chose to paint a virile Pegasus rearing up on its hindquarters, wings spread, ready for battle. You can see how manly this Pegasus is. How could it not be when it's father was Poseidon, now that was a man. Also, this painting has lots of details including a beautiful golden shower cascading down the driver's side. This painting alone is awesome. It should be hung on a wall instead of a car. The Denver Art Museum is considering acquiring this piece. So is the Uffizi.

Also on the exterior are the fantastic Saturn plastic body panels that don't show dents. Seriously, a bear when I was car-camping came and rammed its bear head into the door and didn't even leave a mark. The mirror on the passenger side was modified by my robot mechanic to be more aerodynamic.

As you can imagine, women find the painting decidedly erotic. It just comes with owning a piece of art like this. Often this artwork is compared to the sensual flower paintings of Georgia O'keeffe.

Hipsters are also drawn to this painting. They can't believe that there is something hipper than they are. Well, there is hipsters on razr scooters. This hood mural is hipper than you.

A final note on the painting. This is not a Unicorn. Unicorns are easily tamed by virgins. The Pegasus is not easily tamed, it does its bidding only to help Greek gods. Unicorns have a narwhal tusk-like tumor. Pegasus can fly. Leonardo da Vinci wrote how 'loving' Unicorns were. He did not write about Pegasus because he knew Pegasus would not want this and would fly over to his lame ass art studio and stomp him to death, leaving behind only a fresh spring from which you could drink water.

Yes, I mentioned my robot mechanic earlier. While some people prefer to have their cars dealer maintained I prefer to have mine looked after by a robot. Robots are by their nature disinclined to lie to you about your car needing work that it doesn't. My robot followed the factory specs when doing all sorts of maintenance on this car like enhancing the side view mirror, putting air in the tires, adding factory-style coolant. If you wish to speak to my robot mechanic that is fine. But know that he only speaks digital, he kinda sounds like a dial up modem. So, if you can understand that, you can chat with him.

Engine wise, I had my robot mechanic ensure that the 116 cubic inch inline 4 cylinder was always functioning at its best. This way, I knew that all 100 horsepower that this car was delivered with from the factory are still available to be called upon today when the need arises to run from a crazed roadside wild game jerky seller or to pass a truck. The healthy 114ftlbs or torque spins out at a low 2400RPMs for a sporty character. This engine has only covered XXX,XXX miles. It is in great shape. It has just completed a two week trip from DENVER to your mom's and back.

Robot mechanic said this car was a hybrid before there were hybrids. It gets 28MPG in the city and 39 on the highway. Take that Qatar. Take that Canada. This mileage allows me to rarely visit my NASCAR fueler. I only have my fuel put in by a disgraced NASCAR gasman because I am super busy. Factor this in when trying to respond to this ad. It may take me from one minute to one year to respond.

So I have covered the exterior and mechanics. Now on to the interior. This is the type of car that you will want if the world becomes like it is in Walking Dead. You can sleep in this car. It will come with the bed which includes a cotton-batting pillow cushion and comforter. Tempurpedic engineers have studied this bed and were blown away with how comfortable it is. Sleep Number engineers refused to come view it because they knew they could not rival the comfort of this bed. There is enough room to take care of all your body needs. Thunder mug not included.

Now for the asking price. If you've read the whole ad, you now are probably willing to pay whatever it takes. Some of you have probably already cashed out your 401ks. But do not fret. I am looking to get $800.

Trades. I like trading. And I would really like an El Camino. Not a Ford Ranchero. Rancheros are like Unicorns. I like El Caminos because they are half car, half truck. They are like Pegasus. Totally serious. If it has a 4-speed even better. As nothing lays down pavement tattoos like an El Camino with a manual gearbox.

I might also trade for a motorcycle. Not a scooter. A motorcycle. The difference is a motorcycle you shift gears. A scooter you do not.

So, give me a ring at XXX-XXX-XXXX

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well thrown, Sir.